Growing Up Autistic: What Actually Helps

This section isn't about "fixing" autistic children. It's about understanding how to actually support them.

"The best thing my parents did was accept me as I was. The worst things adults did were trying to make me 'normal.' Kids know the difference." — Autistic adult

What Actually Helps

Acceptance: "You're okay as you are" - not conditional love.

Sensory comfort: Environments that don't hurt.

Communication support: Whatever works for THEM (speech, AAC, sign, typing).

Room to be themselves: Stimming is okay, interests are valued.

Some "interventions" cause harm: forcing eye contact, suppressing stims, hiding interests, demanding "indistinguishable from peers."

The goal should never be making an autistic child look neurotypical.

Language Development

"I didn't speak until I was 4. Now I have a PhD in linguistics." — Autistic adult

Language in autism follows different patterns. Non-speaking, minimally speaking, delayed then typical, or advanced vocabulary—all valid.

Alternative pathways: Echolalia (functional, not just parroting), gestalt processing, written before spoken.

What helps: Speech therapy, AAC options, following their lead. What doesn't: Forcing eye contact, discouraging echolalia, withholding until speech.

Alternative communication is real communication. Not speaking ≠ not thinking.

Types of Support That Work

Developmental approaches: Build skills through play. Follow interests. Relationship-based, not compliance-based.

Occupational therapy: Sensory strategies, daily living skills.

Social support: Learning about friendship (not performing "normal"). Finding neurodivergent friends.

For Parents

• Learn about autism—from autistic adults
• Accommodate sensory needs before meltdowns
• Let them stim—it's helpful
• Presume competence
• Find community for them AND for you

Your autistic child is not broken. Success isn't appearing neurotypical—it's quality of life as defined by the person.

Next chapter: Adult Life — navigating relationships, work, late diagnosis, and more.