Object Permanence: Out of Sight, Out of Mind

For many autistic and ADHD people, if something isn't visible, it essentially stops existing in awareness.

"It sucks, it's like you think you have no friends and then suddenly remember oh wait I do." — Autistic adult

What This Means

Things not currently visible drop from active memory. Out of sight literally means out of mind. This is a processing difference, not about caring less.

How It Shows Up

With objects:

• Food rotting in the fridge because you forgot it existed
• Pantry full of food but feeling like there's "nothing to eat"
• Needing everything on display to remember it exists

With people:

• Forgetting friends exist when not in regular contact
• "Oh right, you exist!" when someone messages
• Struggling to maintain long-distance relationships

"I actually care deeply. But if someone isn't in front of me, my brain just doesn't generate thoughts about them." — Autistic adult

It's Not About Caring

Forgetting someone doesn't mean you don't love them. When reminded, the care is fully present. Many autistic people feel genuine distress about this pattern.

What Helps

For objects: Keep important items visible. Use clear containers. Regular "rediscovery" sweeps of fridge/pantry.

For people: Schedule regular check-ins. Use calendar reminders. Be honest: "I care about you even when I'm bad at showing it."

You can't fix this through willpower. Build external systems—visual reminders, calendar alerts, apps. This isn't weakness—it's smart adaptation.