Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)

For some autistic people, demands—even self-imposed, even enjoyable—trigger intense avoidance.

"As soon as something becomes an 'expectation' rather than a choice, my brain rebels." — Autistic adult with PDA

What PDA Is

Extreme need for autonomy and control. NOT laziness—a nervous system response.

The word "should" shuts everything down. "I should exercise" makes exercise impossible. "I could exercise if I feel like it" might let it happen.

Strategies That Help

Reframe as choices:

• "I don't have to, but I could"
• Remove "should" and "must"

Indirect approaches:

• Don't plan; let it happen
• Make it feel spontaneous
• Distract yourself while doing tasks

Novelty: Make tasks into games. Change HOW you do routine tasks.

PDA and Burnout

"I know I need to do it. I want to do it. I just... can't." — PDA profile autistic

Constantly fighting your nervous system is exhausting. The avoidance looks like laziness, leading to criticism and self-blame.

Understanding Changes Everything

• You're not lazy—your nervous system is threat-responding
• Willpower won't fix it—different strategies will
• This is neurological, not character flaw

PDA requires different approaches. Traditional structure can backfire. Removing the sense of demand works better than forcing compliance.